31
Jul
07

Scarlett Johansson Not A Porn Star

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Rumors have been circulating for months that destroyer of dreams extreme hottie Scarlett Johansson would be playing Jenna Jameson in an upcoming biopic. However, I am now forced to cry a billion tears upon hearing this report from People:

"Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this
project," says a rep for the actress. "She also has no interest in
playing this role."

I hate her rep. It is your job to get Scarlett’s naked form committed to film while she is at her peak.

I will cut off an arm to see her in this film. Who is willing to let me cut off an arm for the cause? What? You didn’t think I was gonna cut off my own did you? I can’t star in the film opposite Scarlett if I’m a gimp. C’mon! Think people.

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