Author Archive for admin

02
Aug

Quick Ones: Baby News

Hillaryfreaky
Chris O’Donnell is attempting to kill his wife, as their 5th child is on the way. His sperm must come out with scuba suits and machetes. Those lil bastards are potent.

Former ER star Julianna Margulies is expecting a child.

Nicole Richie’s child will be a boy.

Christina Aguilera’s child will be a girl.

My neighbor Meredith Altenhaus is also having a boy. She isn’t famous, but just in case she does become famous in the intervening 9 months, I can claim to have had an exclusive.*

I’ll be sneaking into more celebrity bedrooms soon to see who’s fucking and going to have a baby as soon as I can. *

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02
Aug

Eminem Sues Apple: Burn Your iPods

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It was bound to happen sooner or later. Eminem’s publisher is suing Apple for selling 70-80 songs without permission. Apple has an agreement with Universal Music Group who owns the recordings, but has no deal with publishers who own the rights to the score and lyrics. Not good Apple. Access Hollywood reports:

In the suit filed Monday in U.S. District Court in Detroit, Eminem’s
music publisher Eight Mile Style and copyright manager Martin
Affiliated seek more than $75,000 for copyright infringement, unfair
competition and a violation of the Michigan consumer protection act.

The suit also asks for damages of up to $150,000 per infringement — or each time a song is downloaded.

Basically they could have put "a shithouse full of cash" when listing the damages they are seeking because that amount per infringement would be monumental. Is it time to dump the iPods once everyone else starts suing them for this?

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02
Aug

Jessica Simpson REALLY Sucks At Acting

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Anyone who has seen Ms. Simpson’s body of work on screen will find this about as surprising as hearing news that gasoline ignites in flame when a lit match touches it. Her upcoming film Blonde Ambition is a steaming pile of horseshit and it’s all her fault according to US:

“It is going straight to DVD domestically. It will only come out in theaters internationally,”

Why? Why is it going straight to DVD?!?!?

“The movie is absolutely horrible,” says a source. “It’s just a bomb, mainly because of Jessica’s acting.”

Oh yeah, THAT minor element, acting in a film. In fairness, if bad acting was the only prerequisite for a film going straight to DVD you’d never see another Michael Bay or latter day Joel Schumacher film hit theaters either. She does suck major whale cock as an actress though, there is no doubt of that.
You know you suck as an actress when you grow up your whole life in Texas and you can’t do a credible southern accent.

Will people PLEASE stop casting her? Well, unless she’s ready to do nudes, if not NO MORE!

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02
Aug

Dina Lohan…Lowlife?!?!?

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Now I’ve though that Dina Lohan is nothing if not a bastion of class and dignity. Oh oh, I thought we were talking about Ghandi, no it’s my opinion that Dina Lohan is a scumbag lowlife, and apparently someone else thinks she is a fraud as well. Page 6 reports:

Now she’s being sued for fraud in Las Vegas by businessman Antonio Almeida, who claims she failed to return $400,000 he lent her four years ago to kick-start daughter Lindsay’s music career. Almeida’s lawyer, A. Raymond Hamrick, says some of the dough was used to record songs with Gloria Estefan’s husband, Emilio Estefan,
who formed Miami Sound Machine. But Lindsay bolted in the middle of the
sessions when she got a deal with Casablanca Records, which released
her album, "A Little More Personal (Raw).

Who would have thought that Dina would get involved in this kind of affair. I’m sure she is clean as a whistle. 

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02
Aug

Lessons In Culture: Kanye West Edition

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Kanye West in a recent interview with Complex Magazine straightens us all out on the use of the term ‘bling.’ The hip-hop star tells Complex magazine:

"Only white people and older
black people say ‘bling’ now.

uh huh…got it so far…

If a white person uses slang too early,
then that makes them look like a wigger.

OK, that sounds true. Yeah uh huh.

But if black people use slang
too late, then it makes them look like a wigger."

ummmm…OK.

Did anyone seriously ever think the term ‘bling’ wasn’t at least slightly retarded? In addition, who didn’t know it was played out? I saw the god damn term used in GQ in a non-ironic way; not exactly a bastion of street culture.

However, I wish I would have read this earlier because I feel like a real ass having that diamond implanted into my head with a tattoo of the word "bling" circling it.

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02
Aug

Victoria Beckham Wearing Out Her LA Welcome Already?

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Well, if you believe this item, you’ll be surprised to hear that Ms. Posh Spice is wearing out her welcome in some of LA hottest spots. According to one source:

Sources say she has made herself unpopular with management of the celeb-friendly, press-shy Chateau Marmont.
"She always lets the paparazzi know when she’ll be arriving," wags a
West Coast tongue. "The Chateau Marmont tries to give celebs their
privacy, and they hate her there. They like David [Beckham, her husband], though."

Hmmm…they go on to add this tidbit which makes it all the more sad.

Last Tuesday, "Britney Spears turned up at the Chateau and the only table available was the one next to Posh," laughs the snitch.

"But Britney didn’t want to sit next to her, so she and her friend stormed off to Il Sole instead."

Oh boy, it’s pretty bad when you aren’t ‘good enough’ for a wreck of a human being like Britney.

In Vicky’s defense though, our NY brethren severely overestimate the ‘cool’ factor of Chateau Marmont. That place is a tourist attraction for people wanting to see if it really is haunted or not. My office is literally a stones throw away and I can tell you I see regular touristy types milling in that place all the time.

Let me put it this way, if I can get into this ‘exclusive’ club without an invite or a power player with me, then pretty much anybody can and it can’t be that good. Besides, Hyde, a much cooler, much hipper place is no more than a block away  (and there is no way I’m getting past the velvet rope once it’s past 9pm) so take it for what it is.

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02
Aug

David Beckham Gets Public Speaking Advice…

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…from Tom Cruise? Reports are surfacing that friends close to Becks have noticed that Tom has been teaching the normally shy and squeaky sounding Beckham into a full blown American publicity machine. One insider reports:

"David’s performance was so
slick and assured it’s clear the advice from Tom has been rubbing off.
"David has always been quite shy in front of the cameras.

"He’s got a squeaky Cockney accent normally and he
talked into his chest. While wife Victoria could turn on the charm,
David always looked uncomfortable with that side of fame and preferred
to do his talking on the pitch.
"But Tom’s being drumming into him that Americans expect their stars to be able to be all-singing, all-dancing.

Umm…singing and dancing? I don’t think I ever want to see Beckham singing or dancing. I kid I know what they mean. Don’t leave retarded "it’s a metaphor" comments.

They even have THIS interesting side by side comparison of the two speaking. Eerie.

Can we expect Beckham to start attacking mental health professionals and jumping on Oprah’s couch soon? We shall see. 

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