Archive for the 'Inside Hollywood' Category

02
Nov

AFM Round up: Biutiful, Scorcese’s ‘Silence’, Season of the Witch & Book of Eli

So the AFM market prep is basically over for me and I couldn’t be happier because it means I can post more pix of scantily clad women more often since midterms are also almost over.

So here is a rundown of some of the shit (figurative and literal) I had to read to help my clients prep for AFM:

Dominic Sena’s Season of the Witch – Basically it’s a flick set in the first Crusades where the church believes a young girl is a with and responsible for spreading the black death and ask returning Knights to take her for trial and punishment.

I won’t say more since it would give away spoilers and only asshole post those but needless to say that the bullshit the production company went through to stop people from printing the script much less read it on the computer with watermarking and printing diabled and shit it’s not all that.

It might end up an OK shit kicker but it ‘borrowed’ too closely from a few too many other good movies. Not all that impressed.

Biutiful starring Javier Bardem directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarittu is a film about a street hustler who can speak with the dead trying to sort out his life. I won’t say more becaue again, there are spoilers. This is just a fantastic film. I was just kinda ‘meh’ on Babel which was Inarritu’s last film, but while reading this I kept imagining how Bardem would perform in this and I can’t see how he doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar for this. It was really exceptional.

Martin Scorcese was back at AFM with a film about 1600′s Portuguese monks trying to convert people in Japan to Christianity despite the illegality of the act of being Christian.

It wasn’t horrible. Wasn’t great either. I dunno. I think I’ve been a little burned on Scorcese lately. He’s definitely lost something. It still has some promise of being exceptional as the cast is top notch. (Bernal, Day-Lewis & Del Toro star) it could go either way with that one.

The biggest shock was Book of Eli. I is the latest from the the Hughes brothers who are average at best. However, this script was just FUUUUUN. It’s about a scumbag searching for a book and a man, played by Denzel Washington, named Eli trying to get the word of God to a town he’s never been to before in California…oh did I mention the world was burned to the ground in nuclear war? Oh yeah, that too. It had a lot of the fun and panache of Road Warrior. It was really really fun. However, if directed poorly it could still eat dogshit, but if they do it right it’s going to be SOOOOOOO much goddamn fun! I really can’t wait for that one.

There was a Jackie Chan film, Spy Next Door, that was less heinous than his recent output but just isn’t Jackie Chan. You know, so, yeah, I’m not getting amped for that one until I see some actual footage that makes me look and say, ‘Oh shit! THAT is a motherfuckin’ Jackie Chan film!’

OK that’s it. I might get one or 2 more straggler films and I’ll report on those. In lieu of that, the scantily clad ladies will resume asap. (I posted a bikini video of Audrina getting dunked which is hot since she is wet and in a bikini. If that’s not hot to you, you are gay. That is all)

Popularity: unranked [?]

13
Jun

lindsay lohan in labor pains pt. 2

So you may remember me bringing you the first look at Lindsay Lohan’s new film Labor Pains that I thought was just so so. You can read that again HERE if you missed it. (you son of a bitch)

Here are some pix from the set. I have to say I’m happy they actually made the fake stomach not look like a sack of beans under a shirt like they so often do.

I still don’t think it changes much of what I thought of the script, but still. Good effort.

I still want to wreck this chick. Train wreck or not. (preferably train wreck)

A couple more pix after the break.***

***Bonus*** I’ve included a shot from a makeout scene where her co-star had the balls to go for her jugs and feel her up. Can’t say I blame him. That’s just good ‘acting’ there, sir.

Continue reading ‘lindsay lohan in labor pains pt. 2′

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21
May

CW going under after monster monday for Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill?

Reports are flying around from sources like the Wall Street Journal, New York Times and E! that the CW might be in trouble.

This despite the fact that they just had their best Monday ratings ever in their 2 year history with the finales of Gosspi Girl and One Tree Hill.

However, does anyone care? Do they deserve to live on? I say ‘no’

This network has been run like shit. They piss on all the shows they had that have the highest ratings (Smallville, Supernatural & WWE: Smackdown) at every chance they get, including the baffling decision to cancel Smackdown.

It’s just more of the same shit of Hollywood ignoring what the people are telling them. The young male audience is the only thing making them money so they decide they are going to push hard to carve out a piece of the gay and young female audience.

Morons: you have successful shows. Keep mimicking them. More sci-fi and action programming, not less.

Let me take over that network for 1 year. I absolutely guarantee you that the ratings will be at least doubled across the board. I will trim the fat and give the people what they want.

If you want to continue to foist off shit that you think people SHOULD like rather than what they DO like, then you deserve the impending bankruptcy, fuck face.

Popularity: unranked [?]

19
May

Hollywood’s lost summer? Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian tanks

I kinda hate myself for writing this, but it is a bad start to the summer movie season.

It started with huge promise with IronMan beating the shit out of basically everything. However, Speed Racer bombed and now Prince Caspian semi-bombed.

What’s going on?

I am excited to see Caspian because the first one was killer. Speed Race, from what my reliable sources tell me, is an absolute revelation in new cutting edge film making.

Is it poor marketing? It can’t be all gas prices can it? It can’t be recession since we haven’t had any of the criteria for a recession yet and already look like any economic slow down we had is swinging back up. (hell, the dollar finally decided to rebound against the Euro last week for Christ’s sake)

I don’t know, but if Indiana Jones bombs, I have lost all faith in the movie going public. Well, even more faith than the already massive amount of faith I lost when shit like Wild Hogs and Crash (the shit Paul Haggis version) are huge box office films and get critical acclaim.

Here is a story on the weak $56 million weekend for Caspian.

Popularity: unranked [?]

14
May

Cannes update – Lindsay Lohan in Labor Pains

OK, so as I mentioned earlier today, I had one more script to do for Cannes. It was Lindsay Lohan’s presumptive comeback picture Labor Pains.

It wasn’t great but it wasn’t horrible. It is a pregnancy comedy. So basically if you though Baby Mamma was the bee’s knees you will probably like it since that picture was an utter hunk of shit.

I can reveal that she isn’t being paid much for this movie AT ALL. Not a shock though for a star who has been deemed uninsurable for big budget pictures at the moment.

What does this mean for Lohan?

Here is the reality: She will have to do a lot more low budget films like this to regain her ‘insurable’ status. However, if she ever wants to make it back to big budget tent pole pictures, she is going to have to have some breakout indie successes. This particular movie isn’t going to totally hurt her, but it’s not really going to help her.

Basically, if she simply does a string of films like Labor Pains she will become insurable but I can 100% guarantee you that she will be a straight to DVD / TV movie only property sooner rather than later…that is until a Tarantino-esque director decided to try to revive her career in a meaty part like Quentin did for Travolta.

Interesting Cannes so far. I hope I’m done…I really really do. However, it has been interesting.

Popularity: unranked [?]

13
May

site update – I lied, again – Cannes Film Festival 2008 Edition

OK so I know I said I was pretty sure I was done with Cannes prep but I lied. I got another option to do a last minute project and HAD to take it because it’s Lindsay Lohan’s new film Labor Pains.

How could I pass up the chance to see how the ultimate train wreck is going to try to reignite her career? I simply couldn’t.

You will of course know by sometime tomorrow if the thing is an utter bowl of dog shit or not. Cross your fingers. I won’t say for what, but cross them so you get your wish.

Until then…

Popularity: unranked [?]

10
May

cannes update – fame remake

Well…it was bound to happen.

Fame, the remake version not the original, is just a LAME script. Nothing original. Color by numbers. Immature high school boilerplate. I am more disappointed that it wasn’t just flat horrible.

With that said, I am 90% sure it will have good enough box office that it might even warrant a sequel or a straight to DVD film extravaganza.

I am pretty sure that is it for me and Cannes so I will resume normal posting on Monday unless they have a last minute rush job.

Overall I had a lot great scripts to read. It doesn’t happen often but I am actually excited to see this crop get made.

Popularity: unranked [?]

09
May

cannes update- terence malick’s tree of life

So I finished reading Terence Malick’s new film Tree of Life.

Let me begin by saying that I love Terence Malick’s films, but I am officially not a fan of his scripts. They are a hot mess of self indulgence and pomp. (there is a 10 page sequence chronicling the creation of the universe…in a story about a dude who’s brother died young….yeah.)

In total, it ended up being pretty good and I am inclined to believe that Malick will add that last bit of steel to it to make it very good-great.

I just don’t ever want to read another one of his scripts again. His level of self indulgence would make Steinbeck blush.

Not sure when the film is set to come out, but I wouldn’t blink if I were you because I wouldn’t count on it being in the theater for very long.

My final script for Cannes is the re-make of Fame that is being directed by a guy known only for directing MTV series. Basically it sound like I will going out with a whimper after what was a pretty strong crop of scripts this time around. Oh well….

Things should be back to normal around here by Monday.

Popularity: unranked [?]

08
May

Cannes Update – John Cusack in Shanghai

Well, I read another winner.

John Cusack is starring in a Casablanca-esque thriller set in Shanghai a week prior to the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

It really is mature, adult examination of relationships and love. It has some nice twists that aren’t played for effect or super obvious.

I really can’t wait to see it honestly. It’s being directed by the guy who did 1408 (also starring Cusack)

I am really thanking my lucky stars that every script I’ve gotten this time around has been great.

I have one last one on deck. The new Terrence Malick film which will no doubt also be awesome since he is pretty much one of the few visionary masters working in film these days.

I will of course let you know what I think once I’m done with it.

Until then…

Popularity: unranked [?]

07
May

Cannes update- Renee Zellweger in My One & Only

Well I’ll be damned. I wasn’t expecting much if anything from this script since the title is pretty douchebag sounding but it is pretty damn funny/sad/intriguing.

It is the story of George Hamilton’s journey to Hollywood one year and it is about as wild a tale as you are bound to read in a while. Things like this pretty much don’t happen anymore. It is nostalgic and tragic in it’s own way. A true ode and requiem to a time when there was more uncertainty and more aspiration.

Renee Zellweger’s character is George Hamilton’s mother and she is a trip. That’s all I can say.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually excited to see a Renee Zellweger film. Dear Lord, what is happening?

Popularity: unranked [?]




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