Archive for the 'Justice Schmustice' Category

07
Dec

bam margera is in troubleeeeeeee

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usStar of Jackass and Viva La Bam, Bam Margera is in trouble for one of his usual pranks. Page 6 reports:

A British law firm is suing the “Jackass” wildman for criminal damages on be half of Nick Taft, whose blue Peugeot 306 GTI got an impromptu paint job on a London street. Taft’s lawyer, James Barrington, told us Margera – in Eu rope to compete in the Gumball Rally car race – was intent on revenge, believing Taft had stripped the gearbox on the Lamborghini Gallardo that Margera was set to drive in the race, which was videotaped for a just-released DVD. The DVD contains footage of Margera’s attack, which will now be used against him in court.

So let me get this straight, the asshole stripped the gear box of a Gallardo but is pissed about a little Glidden bath for his car? I’d say he got off pretty easy. Can you say ‘countersuit’ Mr. Taft?

Anyone who’s seen the Gumball rally knows that only people with $10 million in petty cash enter this thing. This just smacks of someone who can’t take a joke. Bam should pay if the cost of the gearbox is less than a new paint job (it’s about 10 times as much as the paint job -FYI) but going to court for this is so childish.

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06
Dec

Ahhh Justice: Kiefer Sutherland Edition

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usKiefer Sutherland checked into a Glendale city jail to serve out his 48 day sentence. Officials say that he will be on kitchen and laundry duty during his stay. He checked into this jail rather than county because he was given no guarantees for his safety at county jail due to low resources. The Insider reports:

The Glendale Police spokesperson reported to “The Insider”: “Kiefer Sutherland will serve all 48 days of his sentence. He will be in a cell by himself. It is not because he is someone special, but because anyone sentenced to a long period of time is in a cell by themselves. Kiefer will be assigned to laundry detail and kitchen detail. He will be working while he is here. He was very humble, accepts full responsibility and is committed to doing 48 days.”

And sources tell “The Insider” that Kiefer does not intend to purchase special food or living accommodations available to those with the means. “We do have a pay-to-stay,” a representative from the jail confirmed, “however, he did not request [the program]. He wanted to be treated like any other inmate sentenced to do his time.”

OK, I don’t feel the least bit sorry for Kiefer because this was his second offense. However, one has to wonder how the hell he gets 48 days but Lohan gets 84 minutes and Nicole Richie basically stopped in long enough for a picture and a nice hearty shit before strolling out.

I wonder if their lawyers or the lawyers of Paris ‘10 days of a 45 day sentence’ Hilton will issue another statement about how inequitably their clients were treated. PLEASE I wanna hear them complain now.

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26
Nov

Shocker: Pete Wentz Is A Pussy

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usMy god, this is such a hot item I don’t know what to do. I know it’s going to shock the hell out of my loyal readers and the not so loyal ones as well, but Ashlee Simpson’s wife boyfriend Pete Wentz is a TOTAL pussy. I know. I know. Page 6 reports:

ROCKER Pete Wentz has sent a cease-and-desist request to heavy metal band Neurosonic over their new song that bashes his girlfriend Ashlee Simpson, the group’s frontman, Jason Darr, said at a Knitting Factory performance Wednesday night. The tune, “So Many People,” pokes fun at Simpson’s horrific “Saturday Night Live” appearance, during which she was caught lip-synching and ran offstage. Darr then invited the audience to dance a “jig” along to the song, just like Simpson did before she fled the stage that night.

What a fuckin’ baby. “someone is making fun of my girlfriend! boo hooo! Let’s sue em!” Shut the fuck up. It’s called satire, dick lick. People can do it all they want. SNL and shows like it have made a career out of shit like this.

So go wipe off the mascara running down your cheeks from all your bellyaching pussy boy and pretend, even if it’s just for a day, that you were born with a set of fucking balls. Man I’m embarrassed that you are from Chicago. In fact, you are hereby excommunicated from the Chicago family. You are now from Milwaukee. Memorize that.

P.S. Yes, Peter, when you wear more makeup than the girl you are dating, you are a douche. Just so you know.

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15
Nov

Lindsay Lohan Does Some HARD Time

lohan muggingWell, after an interesting summer that saw Lindsay Lohan:

  1. Get charged for DUI
  2. Get arrested for DUI again while waiting to go to court for the first one
  3. Get caught for hit & run
  4. Get caught with cocaine in her pants
  5. Kidnap some people
  6. Steal a car
  7. Stalk an innocent girl in a high speed chase

Among other things I’m sure I’m forgetting. She finally served her time in jail.

84 minutes. She did precisely 84 minutes in jail in addition to the few hours she was held when arrested and the couple of days of community service ‘having fun’ while doing it. Sounds real ‘fair’ to me. Read the list over again and remind yourself that this all happened over the course of 2-3 months.

Kinda makes ya want to commit some more crimes.

She does look kinda sexy in the new mugshot. Maybe I’ve developed a thing for bad girls.

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15
Nov

Wanted In Japan: Hayden Panettiere Is A Fugitive.

hayden & fabioHayden Panettiere is being held accountable for the little dolphin rescue in Japan a week or so ago. E! exclusively reports:

“I learned that they have an arrest warrant out for me in Japan,” the Heroes star told E! News exclusively Wednesday. “We just found out.”

And the actress isn’t letting a little thing like a warrant keep her from her cause. “I’d do it again,” she said. “Very possibly, might do it again.”

“We must unite as a world to solve our increasing international environmental crises. We can no longer hide behind outdated, senseless cultural traditions and lazy, bad habits that are resulting in the annihilation of our planet’s resources and the extinction of our species.”

Now, I told you already what I think of Hayden’s ethnocentrism on parade. Now it’s just icing on my justification cake that she is gonna be arrested for it and she admits it by saying that cultural traditions are ’senseless’. International fugitive folks. International fugitive. I am right. You (and she) are wrong. Thank you drive thru and suck my balls on the way through, baby dolls.

P.S. Yeah, that is Fabio she’s posing with. Need anymore evidence of her lack of sense and taste?

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12
Nov

Quick One: Britney Spears Fails Drug Test. Barn Burner!

Just a quick mention of this because it’s so un-shocking at this point. There are rumors that other sites are calling ‘huge news’ and ’shocking rumors’ that it was revealed in court that Britney failed drug tests in addition to missing half of them.

Are you really surprised? Is anyone there really shocked to hear that? If so, sound off below in the comments section and leave you contact information so I can set up an appointment for you to see Dr. Kevorkian as I would rather our retarded ass not have the chance to mow me down in your car because you are busy playing peek a boo with yourself in the rear view mirror.

She is due back in court again this week. Let’s guess what will happen…

08
Nov

Hallmark To Hilton: “Shove It Shitbird!”

parisThe fight for Paris Hilton’s good name, if there is such a thing, took a new turn. Hallmark filed a motion to dismiss the lawsuit Hilton brought up pertaining to a card with an image that looks like her using her clever catch phrase ‘that’s hot’ on the card. Here is part of her brief.

“Hilton has become a household name, based in large part on her efforts to draw attention to herself. Having done so, she has subjected herself to public scrutiny and the parodist’s pen. The First Amendment does not allow her to respond by welcoming the fawning and flattering, but silencing the critical and comical.”

So basically the defense is she’s made a living joke of herself and should expect and deserve a healthy dose of mockery at the expense of her own buffoonery.

I agree. Case closed. You lose, Paris. Go suck some more rod on film, baby cakes.

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07
Nov

Britney Spears In Trouble Again

britneyBritney Spears is going to be in court Thursday morning after K-Fed’s lawyers called her in to court because she has allegedly failed drugs tests, failed to comply with taking them in a timely matter and all round douchebaggery.

She may as well quit right now and hand the kids over. Fuckin’ idiot.

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02
Nov

Britney Spears Is A Smart Investor

The Insider has obtained court papers detailing Britney’s and Kevin’s monthly expenses. Here is their rundown:

In Britney’s documents, dated May 21, 2007, her monthly income is listed as $355,530, while her average monthly income is listed as $719,634. Her mortgage payments for two homes total $49,267, she spends $102,000 monthly on entertainment, gifts and vacations and her monthly clothing expenses total $16,000. In contrast, she spends $1,600 per month on groceries and household supplies and, according to the papers, she contributes zero per month towards savings and investments.

In Kevin document’s, he lists his monthly income as $20,000 in spousal support. He lists his rent as $7,500 per month, while he estimates that he spends $750 per month on groceries and household supplies, $2,000 on clothes, and $5,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacations, amongst other expenses. His monthly expenses total $32,300.

Wow. So she saves and invests nothing but drops $16,ooo / month on clothing? Smart. I’m sure her kids are happy to hear that she is putting away money for their college funds. Hey, in 15 years, when they are of that age, momma isn’t going to be a star anymore and at this rate she could rip through that cash.

As for Kevin, $750 a month in groceries?!?! Does he buy jars of caviar that have a monkey that pops out to spoon feed you the shit or something? What the fuck is that?

01
Nov

All Your Billion Are Belong To Us: Paris Hilton Sued

parisI love when whack jobs attack. I also love how it shines a bright light on the need for tort reform and yet, we do nothing about it. /political rant

Celebtv.com exclusively reports:

In a personal injury complaint filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Oct. 18, Nicolle O’Neill claims she suffers “emotional distress” because of Hilton and accuses the socialite of ripping off her style, including fashion-related “patens” [sic] and “stiling” [sic] tips.

Two pages of handwritten documents spell out specific charges against Paris, including a claim the socialite stole O’Neill’s idea to expose her “je-streeng underware (bikiny)” [sic] under her pants. O’Neill also claims Paris swiped her idea to shop in vintage stores for ’60s-style dresses.

O’Neill is seeking “billions” in damages.

Ya know, this girl actually sounds smarter than Paris so I am going to have to side with her after all. I think Paris Hilton actually stole my idea to eat dinner after 5 pm; I’m suing for that now that I think of it. Get your own thing, Paris. Stop copping my style!

It’s not a big problem though, Paris can always sue Pam Anderson for stealing the idea of blowing Rick Solomon on tape since I’m sure they are working on one.

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