Britney Spears hauled ass out of court yesterday. She entered low key and mellow. Ya think she got some bad news?
K-Fed’s reps say a verdict will come next week.
Kiss the kids goodbye, B.
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Archive for the 'Justice Schmustice' Category
Britney was cleared of hit & run charges. The gutless LA City Attorney decided to give another celeb a pass so the office can still get the cherry invites to the parties. (it happens ALL the time)
Why have justice when you can have felonious celebrities who are borderline homocidal? Sounds like a great tradeoff to me.
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If you look closely, you can see the smoke piping out of Britney Spears’ ears as she leaves her parenting classes that she is forced to take.
She learned such things as: fork + electrical outlet + (baby – adult supervision) = bad news
She also learned that baby formula and whiskey are not equivalent. I believe there was also a class on how it’s not good for kids to see 6 dudes a night come over and pull a train on her.
Basically all the shit that no one could possibly know.
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Britney Spears legal team has asked for an emergency court session to get more custody of her kids.
I guess you allegedly pass one drug test (but still remain up on hit & run charges) and you think you are suddenly competent. Good luck with that, Britney.
Fully expect to hear the phrase ‘No dice’ when you ask the judge for more face time with the kiddies you fucking wreck.
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Former Lost star, Michelle Rodriguez is headed to the big house. The Mercury News reports:
Rodriguez “admitted violation of her probation by failing to provide proof of community service and by consuming alcohol three times while wearing an alcohol monitoring device,” City Attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan said.
“She did file a document that said she completed community service on September 25th, but we obtained evidence that she was in New York that day,” Mateljan said.
Brilliant move. Community service is SOOO difficult. Most places make you wash the sheriff cars or pick up a little garbage. You can’t do that in combination with not drinking for 3 months, moron? Oh and being a liar usually is helpful when it comes to resolving legal issues.
You deserve a kick in the balls, Michelle. (c’mon, we all know you have some fruit in a basket)
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Britney Spears has been passing her bi-weekly drug tests…according to her lawyer. The Insider reports:
“She’s passed her random drug tests. There’s been more than one. They came up negative.”
Trope told People that chances that Britney will regain physical custody of her sons are “good, based on the overall circumstances of the case.”
Wow! You managed not to do drugs for 2 whole weeks? Fuck. I was all wrong, B! I know you have been videotaped doing coke, having orgies all night long while your kids roll their own at home amongst a plethora of other ‘oddities’ but if your shit for brains lawyer says that you are a shoo in to get the kids back, I gots to believe it. Yeah…right…
TADL
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Many of you will remember my favorite video of the year so far. Well, despite the fact that the police ruled Bonaduce acted in self defense when Johnny Foreplay Fairplay leaped on top of him and sexually assaulted him. People reports:
Fairplay claims that the incident has caused him “great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering.” He is suing for an undisclosed amount of “general damages.”
Ahhhh poor baby! Again, perhaps you should refrain from jumping on another man and dry humping him on national TV dickface. You shouldn’t get a dime.
In fact if I was Bonaduce I would argue that your shenanigans caused me to lose the ability to get a boner ever since you were dry humping me on a stage and sue the shit out of you.
My final request would be to be allowed to jam a 6 ft cactus up your urethra and break the thing off for having a stupid, fuck faced stage name and for the aforementioned sexual assault and for committing the crime of having a dog shit white man afro that would have Napoleon Dynamite calling you a douche.
Sound fair, Jonny Cockplay?
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Kiefer Sutherland who was arrested for a second DUI while he was still on probation entered a ‘no contest’ plea and copped a deal with prosecutors. BBC reports:
“Kiefer made clear to us at the time of his arrest that his first concern was the welfare of those he worked with and that he intended to do whatever was necessary to prevent shutting down the show,” it said in a statement.
“He told us that even if he had to sacrifice more time in custody in order to protect the show and the jobs of those who work with him, he would do so.
“From what occurred today, it is evident he is a man of his word.”
The jail sentence consists of 30 days for driving with a blood-alcohol level above the legal limit, and 18 days for violating his probation, according to court records.
Listen, no doubt about it; Kiefer deserves to be punished. 2 DUI’s isn’t a joke. However, Lindsay Lohan gets a DUI while she’s waiting to go to trial for another DUI and get’s 15 minutes in the corner?
Wow. Justice. Feel it. At least 24 won’t be interrupted.
The lesson here is: don’t break the law in the US if you are a dangerous, soulless Canadian. Ooooo…* Continue reading ‘Kiefer Sutherland Going To Jail’
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Holy shit, this is just embarassing…
Britney Spears allegedly is incapable of taking care of dogs. NOW UK reports:
Ingrid Newkirk, boss of animal rights charity Peta, has asked Kevin to pursue an order for care of her 4 pups Lucky, Lacy, Bit-Bit and London after Britney reportedly failed to have London treated when his leg was broken, reports The Sun.
It’s the final straw for Brit, 25, who was seen screaming and sobbing in her car on Friday as she held onto her little Yorkie, London.
Jesus Christ…first she loses the kids, now they want to take the dogs away?
More importantly, I’m no lawyer, but I’m guessing it doesn’t look good for a child custody case when you aren’t capable of taking care of a creature that is happy to lick it’s nuts all day, roll around in shit and eat pig guts from a bowl on the floor all day.
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The custody battle between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards is heating up and it promises to end up even more hilarious than Britney’s court battle. Here are some e-mail excerpts obtained by Page 6 that have been admitted into court:
“GO cry to your bald mom, you [bleeping] loser,”
“You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [bleep] yourself sad jobless pig,” reads another.
“You are an evil piece of [bleep]. I can’t wait to tell the world what a piece of [bleep] you are. You don’t get a [bleeping] dime till this is resolved,” says a third e-mail.
Richards says in her court filing that she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother, who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer.
Pictures of Sheen’s “erect penis” that Richards says he used for his profile on sex sites are also included, which Richards claims he e-mailed to “approximately 30 women.”
“I’d love to give it to you any time,” Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name “mrjonze55.”
Richards says Sheen even visited gay pornography sites – “which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage,” the documents state.
Man, I feel weird about sending shots of my cock to mrjonze55. She said it was her husband’s account. 
I feel so betrayed.
Oh and dude, try to lay off the underage gay porn, OK buddy?
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