This hit the net a couple months ago but I needed to reprise it to remind actor’s PR people who post supportive comments of their people when they get all sandy vagina’d and get their feelings hurt by me, of my answer to all their stupid questions and comments.
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Moviefone put out their list of 25 worst remakes of all time. We all hate remakes. It’s not the idea that they are redoing a movie that was good (it was EXTREMELY common in the Golden Age of Hollywood– Gaslight being a prime example of an remake that was superior to the excellent original) it’s the fact that they usually make it suck major donkey cock.
Try to hold down your lunch as you gaze upon these. (the date in parentheses is when the original came out; if there is a name as well, that is the name of the original film. Obviously.)
25. Meet Joe Black 1998 (Death Takes A Holiday 1931 )
24. Alfie 2004 (1966 )
23. The Ladykillers 2004 (1955)
22. The Truth About Charlie 2002 (Charade 1963 )
21. Poseidon 2006 (Poseidon Adventure 1972 )
20. Planet Of The Apes 2001 (1968)
19. Pink Panther 2006 (1963)
18. City Of Angels 1998 (Wings Of Desire 1987)
17. Down To Earth 2001 (Heaven Can Wait 1994)
16. House Of Wax 2006 (1953)
15. Stepford Wives 2004 (1975)
14. The Ring 2 2005 (Ringu 2 2005)
13. All The King’s Men 2006 (1949)
12. The Hitcher 2006 (1986)
11. 101 Dalmatians 1996 (1961)
10. Godzilla 1998 (1954)
09. Island Of Dr. Moreau 1996 (many previous versions all decent)
08. Out Of Towners 1999 (1970)
07. Get Carter 2000 (1971)
06. When A Stranger Calls 2006 (1979)
05. Swept Away 2002 (1974)
04. The Wicker Man 2006 (1974)
03. The Fog 2005 (1980)
02. Rollerball 2002 (1975)
01. Psycho 1998 (1960)
Ugh! I just threw up in my mouth a little lot.There are one or two that I think may have been a bit harshly put on a top 25 of all time, but just about all of these have their moments of supreme suck in them. The people responsible for putting these out have committed worse crimes than 1000 Lindsay Lohan’s driving 1000 stolen SUV’s could ever do.
I use to have a dream of making a movie called "Non Sequitur" or "Non Diegetic Insert Bonanza" or something to that effect. This movie only goes to prove that all the best ideas have already been taken.
I defy anyone to tell me what in the high holy fuck is going on in this flick. I would say I’d give you a million dollars if you could, but we both know it’s money you’d never collect.
Prepare to be mindfucked by the Turkish "re-edit" (My usage of that term is looser than an Amsterdam prostitute’s vagina) of "Star Wars"
