Playboy, please call her for a photoshoot ASAP. Do it. PLEASE.

Video after the break.

• more wii fit girls!
• Where Have I Seen This Before?: Hayden Panettiere Edition
• Germans win the Olympics! (race for the hottest chicks that is–even without Okka Rau)
• viral spiral: I found my new political lifeblood. Suffering ’08!
• this just in: audrina patridge is still ridiculously hot

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Audrina Patridge is a Sexy Santa

My god….the all-things-Audrina policy rolls on into it’s 900 year. She is just hot as hell and again I ask why the continued lack of cameos on TV and film?

Sure she acts about as well as a Ziplock full of mud and thistles but she’s hot and that’s all I demand of my TV/Film hotties.

The only bad part about Audrina Patridge dressed as a sexy Santa is that for the first time ever I find myself thinking; “man, I’d love to fuck the shit out of Santa!”

I need to call my therapist and work out that problem. In the meantime, those who aren’t similarly afflicted can enjoy the rest of the shots after the break.

• Heidi montag, still annoying, still doable, but still mostly annoying
• audrina patridge does downtown LA
• and finally…santa tracker
• Ashley Tisdale in a bikini in hawaii…OK, OK…
• viral spiral: the wii fit girl craze is out of control

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TMZ is reporting (and providing video teaser HERE ) that Verne ‘Mini Me’ Troyer and his former live in girlfriend made a fuck tape and it is now being shopped for $100K.

That is such bullshit. This thing is worth at least 400 times that amount. (no, I’m not going to make the same lame numerical reference that ‘some people’ have made)

Now this tape won’t be great for the eroticism. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be fighting the vomit hammer and tongs.

It will be great because it’s Verne fucking Troyer banging a full sized chick. I’m sorry people, midget porn is hilarious. Yes, they can bang all the normal sized chicks they want, more power to them; it doesn’t make it any less hilarious though.

Bring on the DVD! I’m first in line.

Do you think he creampies her in the video? Ohhhh now I’ve gone too far…

• Verne “Mini Me” Troyer’s wife is a wreck…and it’s his fault?
• adnan ghalib risking death over Britney Spears sex tape
• hayden panettiere thinks paris hilton is some kind of genius; is more wrong than she’s ever been
• vivica a. fox kills the sex tape rumors
• more wii fit girls!

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“Yes, I was injured by an attacker. This is still being investigated. I can’t say much about the cowardly attack other than: a) you better come a lot stronger than that if you want to make a point and b) most will be surprised by those behind it. I have had many calls about it from all over the world. In light of the constant calls about the sex tape and threats, I’m taking a break from the industry and keeping a low profile.”

You think you got stabbed over a sex tape with Britney Spears that was made in the last 2 years and you continue to explore releasing it? C’mon, dude!

If this was Britney when she was 18-21 then yeah, I’d pretty much take bullets for that since you’ll be a billionaire and could probably have someone make you a bionic body with a crushing vice like grip that could destroy worlds.

For a tape made after she spit out a couple kids, went nuts and got fat as a whale…uhhh…you could probably get a Big Gulp and a day old hot dog from 7-11 at best.

Time to take stock of your life, chief.

Oh and what fucking industry are you taking a break from? You former ‘industry’ of stalking celebrities, getting in their good graces and fucking them? Or the industry of making sex tapes with girlfriends and publicly advertising that you will sell them to the highest bidder thereby ruining the business of taping yourself with your girlfriend’s for every other guy on earth, dick lick? I’m curious. Please explain in a 30 minute tell all on the Insider that I can summarize in 3 sentences later.

Thank you.

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• Britney Spears & Michael Vick Can Trade Tips
• Britney Spears Doesn’t Do Much Right These Days

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“I haven’t met a lot of men who have said, ‘You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are.’ I’m young and have a lot of hormones—I’m always in the mood! But I like sex with one person when I’m in a relationship. Sex with random people who I’ve met at clubs is not really my thing.”

The Transformers star adds: “I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex with Brian all the time than leave the house. He doesn’t mind.”

I hate when I fall for this shit. I know and you know damn well that she probably fucks three times a week and calls that a 15 year old boy libido. (note to the ladies: 15 year old boys would like to fuck a minimum of 21 times a week…I’m really not joking)

In any event, I constantly post this shit. Why? Because I want it to be true; and dammit, if I believe it, it will be true.

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• Christina Aguilera Has Baby Shower 1 Of 3
• Jake Brown Crashes…HARD
• Jerry O’Connell Channels Tom Cruise
• The Office spinoff on the way, wtf? Scrubs moving to ABC

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However, this report from the AP kinda cracked me up. These guys are lining up MILLIONS to see her nude and tape it. Two weeks ago she would have let you do it for $1000 and fuck her also.

Gotta love the process of becoming famous via hot beef injection. (Paris Hilton)

Also, the AP doing stories like this is just another sad indictment of the death of real journalism. This is the same organization that has now adopted a policy of covering all things Britney and has a whole department devoted to it. Sad. SOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo sad.

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• Boldly Go Where ALL Men Have Gone Before: Paris Hilton Edition
• Hell On Earth: Paris Hilton Wants A Baby
• Paris Hilton: Autopsy Art
• Paris Hilton’s Latest Victim, er Boyfriend
• Paris Hilton: Jail Pays

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ok well remember that whole lindsay lohan callum best sex tape thing a while back.. that turned out to be bogus..untill now.

apparently callum sent the video (which was filmed on his cell phone) when the 2 where an item has been sent to some of his friends…which as you may have guessed have been trying to sell the video.

Anyway so i have this friend (cant say her name.) who is friends with lindsay lohan. She’s just emailed me saying that someone has sent an email to lindsay with a screen clip from the movie, and shes freaking out because she “cant remember it being filmed”.

i shall have this picture soon hopefully, my friend is sending me it.
(she said that you can see lindsay giving oral…

Hmmm…sounds plausible. After the Kristin Davis “I didn’t do; OK yeah I did” scandal it becomes all the more possible.

If you’d like to see the image of what appears to be Lindsay Lohan giving Callum a mean blowjob click over HERE (18+ only!) to check it out.

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• Is Crazy Lindsay Lohan Coming Back?
• Cannes update – Lindsay Lohan in Labor Pains
• Lindsay Lohan Is A Changed Woman…Kinda
• lindsay lohan video because it’s slow

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I am calling bullshit as I can’t imagine what in the hell Taylor Rain would have to do with a Kristin Davis sex tape, (her site is the the link in the blog I’m about to link to mentions) highly suspect if you ask me.

Here is the blog that is breaking the news (that site is NSFW about 3/4 of the way down the page).

HERE is the link to the dirty bird zone on this site where you can see the images. (as with everything on that site, it is VERY NSFW)

• Quick one: gene simmons sex tape
• sex tape alert: dita von teese lesbian tryst edition
• mischa barton nip slip information
• quick one: vivica a. fox sex tape
• jessica simpson upskirt the easy way

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Her and Johnson and Johnson heiress, Carry Johnson are working on getting their pooches to fuck. Gatecrasher reports:

“They’re mating,” Johnson told me at a brunch in her Beverly Hills home to launch Montblanc’s new Haute Joaillerie collection.

Despite their famous pedigrees, the Hollywood hot dogs are not expecting quite yet.

“She has to be in heat one more time,” Johnson explained.

They’ll get it done. I mean if there is anyone with experience taking strange cock in awkward circumstances surely Paris Hilton is the master. You’ll be knocked up soon, pooch and you can live in abject horror as you are carried around like a fashion accessory and your babies are left to live in the hepatitis bin known as the Paris Hilton estate.

Some creatures have all the luck!

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• Truth In Advertising: Paris Hilton Edition
• Paris Hilton’s Latest Victim, er Boyfriend
• Streetwalkers: Hilton Sisters Edition
• Hell On Earth: Paris Hilton Wants A Baby

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So basically every I hear Eruption I’m going to think of this pussy being so overwhelmed by banging a chick that he cries. This is where we differ, I only weep knowing that it will most likely be another 16 years and various alcohol combinations before I get laid again. I wrote that in invisible font right?

• Top 5 Apology Songs
• Site Update
• eddie murphy needed his mommie
• What The Hell Kind Of Site Am I Running?!?!
• Britney Spears’ Kids Realize Who Their Mom Is

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Kinda creepy, but if you can stomach seeing Gene nail a HOT piece of ass, there is of course a website selling the tape HERE. Needless to say the link is NSFW. (you’re going to a fuck tapes website for Christ’s sake, of course it’s NSFW)

Something tells me if you wait it will be up on the torrent sites sooner rather than later.

This site has some clips of it for free. Click HERE to check them out. They are obviously NSFW

There are some more clips HERE as well. Again, NSFW. Then again, if you don’t know links to a sex tape aren’t safe for work, feel free to lobotomize yourself now and jump into a fucking river with concrete boots.

This site will probably have it eventually for sure. They pretty much post every celebrity fuck tape in existence there. Click HERE to check it out.

• Kristen Davis Sex Tape images surface?
• quick one: vivica a. fox sex tape
• viral spiral: celebrity upskirt compilation
• mariah carey topless
• Christina Aguilera pimps her kid on the cover of people magazine

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I’m not sure what it is.

It might be the blue dress…

…or the banner backdrop behind her…

…or those ridiculous, in the good way, cans of hers…

The world may never know. At least her face isn’t still looking bloated like it had been. Jordan Bratman sooo doesn’t deserve to play with those things. Dammit I need to be a troll looking record executive.

More pix after the break

• It’s A Boy, Christina Aguilera!
• Mr. Christina Aguilera Has Died
• Aguilera Goes Shopping For The Baby She’s Not Having
• christina aguilera going cesarean, pushing is not an option
• ‘bust’in out with christina aguilera

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Is there anything ‘wrong’ with Keeley? Look at her. This is in fairly natural light as well. No photoshopping or airbrushing.

Keeley. Just Keeley.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go punish my wang for about 40 minutes. (more pix after the break)

P.S. I guess this is for an ad campaign she’s doing for Lynx deodorant spray. Who really gives a fuck about that though when there is a semi-nude Keeley Hazell?

• Keeley Hazell In Film Debut!
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• Pardon Me Grandma, Have You Seen Keeley Hazell? Whaaaaaaaa?!?!?
• Jessica Alba’s Wet Ass In A Bikini
• Heather Graham took Boogie Nights WAY too serious

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“It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping.” The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem (below), who plays Cruz’s husband.

This is to go along with The Other Boleyn Girl and Mary Queen of Scots that require massive amounts of nudity and/or sex by Scarlett Johansson (well they did in the scripts I read anyway)

Someone is finally listening to me.

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• Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem Step Out In LA
• Jessica Biel: I Don’t Get All The Good Roles I’d Like
• scarlett johansson + natalie portman + trashy clothes = boneration

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Hannah Montana concert film has $16MILLION in pre-sales. World to stop spinning anytime now- Entertainment Weekly

Britney Spears’ house robbed while in hospital. Bring on the inevitable sex tape-US Magazine

Posh & Becks work on their tans together, still attached at the hip – Page 6

• sunday non-links
• Britney Spears Sex Tape Pt. 2
• Lindsay Lohan ‘wins’ and award
• quick one: britney spears dumps adnan ghalib?
• Britney Spears has another blowout; another run in with the police

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Paris Hilton apparently met up with her former co-star, Elisha Cuthbert, in NYC and had a torrid makeout session. US Mag reports:

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25 (who costarred in 2005′s House of Wax), didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

I would really love to have a raging boner right now, but all I can think about is herpes and a bad haircut that a 5 year old boy would be embarrassed of. (seriously, Cuthbert…grow that fucking mane out again god dammit!)

That being said, I am SO still spanking myself stupid to this.

• Strike While The Iron Is Hot: Elisha Cuthbert Edition
• Paris Hilton celebrates 27th birthday whore style with the pussycat dolls-now with video
• Happy Birthday Britney Spears
• video: paris hilton falls on her stupid fuckin face
• Paris Hilton’s Latest Victim, er Boyfriend

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…I’ve never wanted to invade Native American territory.

Ya know because Pocahontas was and Jessica Biel is part Native American…and ya know I’m talking about putting my pee pee in her vay vay right?…you got that? Sorry, it’s just the look on your face looked like…I’m sorry. I’m not subtle today…stop…don’t…oh screw you….

Boobs.

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• Jessica Biel Goes For A Ride With Timberlake
• Hayden Panettiere Pushes Bra Technology
• Jessica Biel Takes Girlfriend, Timberlake, To Hospital

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Check out the new spread in Zoo magazine that will certainly raise the number of magazine pages that are stuck together in the world up to an astronomical level. WOW.Pick it up on newstands NOW!!!!
Probably safe for work if you have a cool boss. Nothing anywhere near nude here. (more pix after the break)

• math lesson: keeley hazell + tiny bikini = $$$ post
• Keeley Hazell In Film Debut!
• More nude lindsay lohan from new york magazine
• Pardon Me Grandma, Have You Seen Keeley Hazell? Whaaaaaaaa?!?!?
• megan fox poses in pawprint magazine…with a fox

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Here is a shot of her inhaling his face in Park City at the Sundance Film Festival.

• Paris Hilton Looking Slutty?!?!?!?
• Paris Damns Another Child
• Jared Leto Is Sienna Miller’s Dietician
• Boldly Go Where ALL Men Have Gone Before: Paris Hilton Edition
• Paris Hilton’s Latest Victim, er Boyfriend

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Well here she is showing all the young starlets how to properly dress…if they want to give every perv out there wood. Which I guess makes me a perv because she looks outrageous here. (more pix after the break)

• video: hayden panettiere is sexually harassed
• Hayden Panettiere does CNN
• Where Have I Seen This Before?: Hayden Panettiere Edition
• Hayden Panettiere adds ’80′s retro to her short hair…and it doesn’t help
• 1 Layer Down, 1 To Go: Hayden Panettiere Edition

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• Saturday Links
• Video: Adriana Lima’s GQ photoshoot
• Where Have I Seen This Before?: Hayden Panettiere Edition
• …Scarlett Johansson’s reaction to US Weekly
• Marilyn Manson Tries So Hard…

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They didn’t mention the related study that mentioned that 90% of people who claim to have threesomes are counting looking at a picture of their hot cousin on the mantle whilst administering the high hard one to their significant other as a threesome.

Of course if it is true, that means at least one of these ladies has been in a threesome.

The only one who wouldn’t induce instant vomit to see nude is Hasselbeck. but then again that would be kinda like fucking a helium balloon.

Watch in horror and pray that it wasn’t Babs.

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• SMG Back To TV?
• Victoria Beckham: “My Life Is SO Hard”
• Bun In The Oven: Helena Bonham Carter Edition

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“Vivica does not have a sex tape. If I did, I would be making my own money off of it,” the Kill Bill actress told PEOPLE backstage Saturday night at the taping of the inaugural BET Honors in Washington, D.C.

So note to future boyfriends, bust out the camera when you are rockin’ the Fox box next time. Of course she did also say this:

Reports of the tape swept the Internet earlier this month, but Fox says, “As a 43-year-old woman, I would never allow a man to put me in that position. If you see me having a love scene, it’s going to be choreographed in a movie, and be fabulous.”

Alcohol, boys. Lotsa alcohol*. She’s already been busted on DUI so you know she’s a lush.

They all say that they will never allow a nip slip or panty shot or any other unintended nudity and they all end up showing something.

The mountain is high but not unattainable. Live my dream. Live my dream.

*OK I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in every state and you’ll be busted if you induce behavior via alcohol but we’ll still get the video. You’ll be in jail or sued, but we’ll get the video. So, fair trade right?

• quick one: vivica a. fox sex tape
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• Saturday Links-Shakira threesome sex tape?!?!?
• Shia LaBeouf Is A Liar; Likes Vagina
• Britney Spears Sex Tape Pt. 2

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Eva Mendes is the latest star to bare all for the organization. Enjoy it after the break. (it’s pretty much NSFW since there is some butt crack.)

P.S. Yes, I realize it’s about a month old, but it’s slow and I didn’t bother posting it way back when.

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• britney spears upskirt…now with 50% less panties. Enjoy?
• Christina Aguilera Pushes Me To Hell’s Gate
• PETA Makes It Too Easy: Dita Von Teese Edition
• David Beckham’s alleged mistress, Rebecca Loos, loses her top

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Over the weekend, the mental case and her paparazzo pig boyfriend escaped to the desert to be alone. When she found out he was shopping photo deals she sent him packing.

As is standard operating procedure for dickheads who like ro ruin a good thing for every other guy on earth, shit for brains decides to sell the nudes he took of Britney while they were together.

Well according to TMZ, he was asking a million but no one was biting. According to them one US publication simply said ‘they weren’t very good.’ However, the report goes on to state that an Australian paper bought them for $57,000.

$57,000. Let that sink in for a minute. Less than 5 years ago there were rumors that Playboy was ready to offer up close to $10 million for an exclusive spread with Britney. Then there was the alleged sex tape her and K-fed shot that was supposedly going to fetch $3 million.

Now, she is worth about $1.50 nude. It doesn’t help that we’ve seen her pussy for free on more than a few occasions. It also doesn’t help that she is unattractive now and just a beaten and haggard woman.

Can she ever regain the mojo? Perhaps. She is still young enough. At this point though…I wouldn’t bet money on it.

P.S. This comes on the heels of a temporary (likely to become permanent) restraining order disallowing her any contact with her children was issued. Good times. Good Times.

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• marilyn monroe sex tape sold then sealed…fuck.
• Audrina Patridge NUDE

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