• site update- mobile ness
• Tyra’s Magic Vagina Puppet
• Call The Feds!: Keeping Up With The Kardashians Edition
• mobile phone browsing update
• More X-Games Pain

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I LOVE The Crow and LOVE LOVE LOVE Dark City so I’m hoping it holds up.

I’ll let ya know what I think of it.

• knowing-by-alex-proyas-site update 2-2-08
• site update 2-1-08
• Cannes Update – John Cusack in Shanghai
• Nicolas Cage Almost Burgled
• The Untouchables Prequel Is Untouchable

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Her time was an ass hair under 5.5 hours. Yes, that’s barely 5 miles and hour. That’s about 12 minutes a mile. Most people walk this fast. So what we are essentially saying here, is Katie Holmes accomplished the feat of bipedal movement for 5+ hours.

Wow. Bravo. Well done. No, really. Well done. Even though I’m in the kinda shape that would make a water buffalo would laugh at me, I am pretty sure I can still walk a mile in 12 minutes. Sad.

• Katie Holmes Finishes NY Marathon
• Katie Holmes’ New Hair Is…Uhhh…
• Oooops!: Katie Holmes, You Are No Ansel Adams
• viral spiral: world record-fastest guitarist in the world
• Gwen Stefani Hates Her Kid, Loves His Shit

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According to TMZ, Nicole has been overseas for most of the last 2 months despite Ciny Adams claiming Nicole Richie was in New York last weekend lighting up.

It’s possible the tip came from 2 months ago, the last time Nicole was in NYC. However, I’m guess it’s just another fuck up. Those New Yorkers are a little slow on the uptake. If you want to cover Hollywood, you should really be in Hollywood.

• Nicole Richie Is Still Too Tiny
• B.O.S Award: Nicole Richie
• Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie: Literary Giants?!
• Sunday Quickies
• Paris Hilton On Nicle Richie’s Baby

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I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more salacious material in Awakenings.

It’s so tame that I’m not gonna even bother hiding it from the main page.

Enjoy?

• Lindsay Lohan Nip Slip
• video: kate beckinsale’s nip slip…well, tit slip experience
• how they found me?
• viral spiral: celebrity upskirt compilation
• Megan Fox Nip Slip?

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• Kanye West’s Mother Passes Away In Los Angeles
• Kanye West Is Dead To MTV
• 50 Cent: “If I Don’t Beat Kanye, I Quit”
• 24th Annual VMA Nominations
• Kanye West’s Breakdown

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The department’s “Call for Service Report” posted online shows that the report came in at 12:08 p.m. Sunday from Wilson’s 23rd Street address and that officers cleared the case five hours later.

So it’s basically an official confirmation of what everyone already knew. Yipee!

• Owen Wilson Hospitalized For Attempted Suicide?!?!*
• Owen Wilson At Woody Harrelson’s House?
• Breaking News: A Lot Of People Watch Porn Online
• Update: Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt
• Official: Owen Wilson Returns Home

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Despite a gossip rag allegedly bailing out the couple from the ‘indignity’ (re: career boost) of having graphic nudes of them embroiled in a hot tub romp come out, it looks like the Spanish language media found copies and the eagle eyed egotastic folks brings them to the rest of us.

They are pretty haggard actually. A lot of to do about nothing. If you feel like looking at the visual equivalent of punching yourself in the junk, click the link below. It goes without saying that these pix are NSFW, you were warned.

• Quick one: gene simmons sex tape
• mischa barton nip slip information
• Lindsay Lohan channels marilyn monroe for new york magazine…nude
• Kristen Davis Sex Tape images surface?
• Jessica Alba Gets Her Wish.

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US Weekly is reporting that the flood of tears of joys from men everywhere can begin:

The actress, 25, signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see – including shots of her breasts (nipples from the front and side) and her butt (side view only) – in the Crash-like ensemble drama Powder Blue.

She plays a stripper trying to earn money to raise her terminally ill son in the currently-shooting movie, which costars Oscar winner Forest Whitaker.

A source tells Us the director will film scenes that are even MORE revealing, adding, “Jessica will decide if she wants to show anything additional.”

I will try to now analyze this information without getting biased in anyway. She should allow ALL shots to be used. I will like to examine the current paradigms in the modern day work place in Hollywood and say YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In closing, I find it remotely intriguing that Biel will be nude on film; from a purely scientific perspective of course.

Is it possible to run out of cold water in the shower?

• jessica biel in ‘powder blue’ p.s she plays a stripper and is in lingerie
• Confirmation Of God’s Existence: Jessica Biel Nude!
• Jessica simpson may be a great actress yet
• Jessica Biel: I Don’t Get All The Good Roles I’d Like
• Justin Timberlake Is A Dream Killer

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The ‘main’ site, the one with the secret stuff is still at least a week away. You’d be surprised how quickly you become rusty at PHP programming.

I’ll update this blog as much as possible in the meantime. There was some issues with the new blog software, but I believe that is sorted out as well. That’s all for now.

• site update: I’m back!
• site update 1-17-08
• Site News
• site update & the naked Swedish Crossbow team
• site update- damn quizzes

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After hearing the Lohan camps secretive assertion floated out there that "perhaps…Lindsay wasn’t, in fact, driving…despite the cops pulling her out of the car’s driver seat" line of bullshit, some folks contacted TMZ and gave them an exclusive interview.

Basically it shakes down like this (it’s a LONG interview)

Lindsay’s assistant (the one who quit) invited her boy friend and his friends to come out to a party. Lindsay was cool with that. When they got to the party, only the boyfriend was allowed in. His buddies waited outside.
Insert typical drunken argument with lover here and the assistant storms off pissing off, a now very drunk, Lohan before the assistant just throws in the towel and quits.

Meanwhile, the guys who couldn’t get in the party are in the boyfriend’s Denali waiting to take off. Just then, Lindsay essentially steals the car. One guy is so freaked he jumps out of the door getting his foot run over in the process.
So are you with me so far? Lindsay is driving drunk, driving a stolen vehicle, high, in possession of narcotics & kidnapping a few dudes. A good healthy start for someone already awaiting a DUI trial.
This is where the story picks up where we knew it already with her speeding through Santa Monica in excess of 100 mph at times and stalking the former assistant and her mother.

Here is a select quote from the interview so we know what kind of dope we are dealing with here:

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned
Lindsay if she didn’t stop she’d get in hot water. He says Lindsay
responded, "I’m a celebrity. I’m not going to get in trouble."

The
two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police
arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn’t
driving. The black kid was driving."

Dante and Jakon say they
saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried
touching her nose, she almost fell over.

As Ronnie put it "It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer."

No shit. Is she serious? "The black guy done it"?!?! Are we in Alabama
in 1890 where you just toss out the nearest available black guy and you
expect the authorities to be like "well…he is black" I mean, sure
there are some scumbag cops who are like that I’m sure, but it can’t be
THAT high.

Lohan’s reps had no comment.

That tends to happen when you need to concoct a whole new batch of bullshit to backtrack on the bigger batch of bullshit.

Aside from the "black guy done it" defense, the other simply disgusting bit is the utter arrogance that "she’s a celeb and can do whatever the fuck she wants" bit. Listen, babycakes, the studio system is dead. Old Hollywood is done and buried. In the old days the studio bosses own the cops. If you were the big star and they loved you enough, you go away with murder…literally.
These days you are the same as all of us. Wow.

Click HERE to watch the videos and get the full length blow by blow.

• Bustin’ Out: Lindsay Lohan Edition
• Breaking News: Lindsay Lohan Arrested For DUI AGAIN
• World Gets A More Little Dumber
• Lindsay Lohan: Definitely In Rehab, Mother: Still Dumb
• David Beckham Peels Out

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1) She was booked on misdemeanor charges of DUI and felony possession of cocaine and transporting a narcotic.

2) Her court date for this arrest is the same day (Aug 24) as her previous arrest. That’s gotta go over well with the judge of whoever you are trying to resk. "Your honor, I have another, bigger DUI trial I need to be at right now. Can we resk and do this once that one’s done?" UPDATE: Many sources and my own meager legal knowledge are guessing she could face up to 6 years in jail if all charges stick and they give her the maximum, which is possible for someone who’s seen rehab 3 times in a year and is arrested for DUI while awaiting trial on a DUI charge.

3) Reports came out that her assistant quit just before she was arrested. Apparently she saw the writing on the wall and didn’t want to be around when the hammer fell. This according to the police briefing. See Video HERE. UPDATE: It was actually her second assistant who was involved not Lohan’s first assistant, Jenni Munro who is a long time friend of Lohan.

4) Her Lawyer released this statement:

Lohan’s lawyer, Blair Berk, said: "Addiction is a terrible and vicious
disease. Since Lindsay’s transition to outpatient care, she has been
monitored on [an alcohol detection] bracelet and tested daily in order
to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely
and accurate reports from the testing company. Unfortunately, late
yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has
now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving
medical care."

5) Star Magazine had been reporting that while at Promises she wasn’t taking it seriously (as I told you myself on this very blog, thank you very much) however, they are reporting that she had people smuggling cocaine and booze in for her. Normally any news from the Star goes relatively ignored but this one isn’t all that hard to believe.

6) Lindsay is reportedly back in rehab according to sources over at TMZ, though she isn’t back at Promises. No word from the Promises people on their apparent inability to help someone in 6 weeks of therapy.
For those of you counting at home, that is three trips to rehab this year for Ms. Lohan.

7) Her father released some statement but I’m not gonna repeat what he has to say because he is a scumbag piece of shit in my opinion.

Of course if anything new and interesting actually happens I’ll let you know but it seems like the juiciest bits have come out and the rest is speculation. I’m sure some marginal celelbs will try to glom onto the situation at some point soon to raise their own profile and the world will let out a collective heave of vomit.

• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab? Jail? Let’s Party!
• Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Is Still Going Great
• Shocking news of the year: Lindsay Lohan drank on New Years Eve
• Lindsay Lohan Guide To Success In 2007
• Dina Lohan…Lowlife?!?!?

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So the maelstrom of criticism that Angie has been getting has gotten her minions to take the heat for her. Her lawyer states:

Ms. Jolie’s lawyer, Robert Offer, said that the statement was the fault
of a “bone-headed, overzealous lawyer” — meaning himself — and that his
client was unaware of the move. “This was my creating something to
protect her from the press’s talking about personal matters, a document
that would limit discussion to the film,” he said. "But it was drafted
overly broadly. It was well intended, but I understand how it was
received.”

This is all fine and dandy except:

1. He wasn’t fired and Angie won’t comment
2. She had people sign an agreement that was almost exactly like this before Mr. & Mrs. Smith
3. If you believe she doesn’t know her people are doing this, you are nuts.
4. I have heard from reliable sources that Fox (the main target of her media contract) gave ole’ Angie a ring and said "if you’d like to continue to take our millions, you’ll make this look like a wee mistake" Papa Rupert doesn’t like people telling him what to do. BTW: Mr. & Mrs. Smith was a Fox movie, coincidence that the contract was OK there and not here?

Here is a video of her on the Daily Show last night.

• Comments
• Site Update
• quick one: vivica a. fox sex tape
• Will Smith Thinks His Daughter Is A Whore
• Ashley Tisdale recording generic cookie cutter album! Yipeee!

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Seriously, there is a big part of me that kinda hopes she keeps it up at this point. Or has to resort to eating feces to REALLY prove how crazy she is. They say she is on depression medication essentially. That was the condition to get her out of jail that required immediate attention? You mean to tell me there is no one else suffering from depression in prison? Would some one PLEASE fire Sheriff Lee Baca already?

In related news she reports, through her attorney, that she won’t be appealing the verdict. (probably because she doesn’t want to cause any more undue attention to be cast upon her parents bribing the sheriff and her sucking his cock off to get out early, IMO)

• Update Pt. 5: Paris Hilton Appeal
• Update Pt 6: Paris Hilton Motion To Return To Jail
• Update Pt. 4 Paris Hilton: Here Comes The Judge
• Update Pt. 3: Paris Hilton See Ya In Jail Sheriff
• Update: Paris Hilton’s Release Controversy Heats Up

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No word yet from Baca. I don’t expect he’d even be able to file anything that would approach a reasonable explanation.

Again, I’ll keep you informed…

Download paris_sentence_papers.pdf

• Update Pt. 5: Paris Hilton Appeal
• Hallmark To Hilton: “Shove It Shitbird!”
• Update Pt. 3: Paris Hilton See Ya In Jail Sheriff
• K-Fed Gunning For Custody
• Keifer Sutherland is free

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This begs the question, "if you didn’t have a plan to collude with the sheriff’s department to side step the legal system from the start, why didn’t you file the appeal immediately after she was sentenced the first time?"

This smacks of bullshit and furthers my allegations that the Hilton’s are major backers of Sheriff Lee Baca and they called in a marker to him and hoped to be able to get their darling beloved a "jail" sentence in a fucking mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

Baca may have avoided the contempt charges for now, for changing the terms of confinement himself and then initially refusing to pick her up for the court date today saying the judge didn’t have the authority to order her to court, but this won’t be the end of it for him, not by a long shot. Really? Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

Don’t expect this to be the end of it. I am promising you there will be one more BIG bombshell from all of this. I’ll keep you posted.

Of course, my favorite part of all of it is the fact that she will be on 24 hour surveillance and have a panic button should anything happen to her while in prison…like, oh I don’t know, she tries to kill herself? Or another inmate who isn’t so rich kicks the living shit out of her for trying to buy her way out of prison?

Again…I shall keep ye all readers posted.

• Update Pt 6: Paris Hilton Motion To Return To Jail
• Update Pt. 3: Paris Hilton See Ya In Jail Sheriff
• Paris Hilton Too Crazy To Eat
• Brad Renfro Learns Nothing
• Update: Lindsay Lohan Busted On DUI Again

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After the verdict she yelled for her mom and screamed "it’s not right!!! It’s not right!!!" in the middle of court. I would yell "it’s not right!!!" too if I had paid off the sheriff with a couple hundred thousand dollars to let me serve "jail" time in a Hollywood Hills mansion only to be ordered back to the regular jail.

Perhaps there still is some sense of justice in the world.

No word on whether any action has been taken against the sheriff yet.

• Update Pt. 2: Paris Hilton Heading BACK To Court
• Update Pt. 5: Paris Hilton Appeal
• Update Pt 6: Paris Hilton Motion To Return To Jail
• Victoria Beckham: “My Life Is SO Hard”
• Update Pt. 3: Paris Hilton See Ya In Jail Sheriff

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LA City attorney Rocky Delgadillo will be pushing for a contempt of court charge for LA County Sheriff Lee Baca for violating the Judges decision.

Rumors from those close to the judge say that he is quite furious about all of this as well.

In fact, when he sentenced her he specifically forbade any sort of mitigated sentences (i.e. house arrest, work release, etc.) when he signed the sentencing forms.

This could get really really ugly and really really fun really quick…really.

The betting man’s money is on Paris heading back to jail and even perhaps getting the entire original sentence reinstated with the time served. (they somehow credited her with 5 days despite only being there 3 days but whatever)

• Tracy Morgan Sentenced For DUI
• Kiefer Sutherland Going To Jail
• Update: Paris Hilton’s Release Controversy Heats Up
• Heidi Klum Went To School With Blind Kids
• Justice Schmustice: Nicole Richie Edition

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If there is any sense of propriety the judge will bang his gavel, laugh maniacally for 30 minutes and say "get your ass back in jail, bitch!"

I’ll keep you updated.

• Update Pt. 4 Paris Hilton: Here Comes The Judge
• Brad Renfro Learns Nothing
• Paris Hilton Is A Lucky Lucky Girl
• Update Pt 6: Paris Hilton Motion To Return To Jail
• Update Pt. 5: Paris Hilton Appeal

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First, she was released to house arrest for psychological reasons. The rumor is she was close to a nervous breakdown. (I guess she is a better actress than we thought)

Various sources have indicated that this move was made solely by the LA County Sheriff’s Dept.

However, to make any modifications to sentences, one has to file with the DA and get it modified through the original judge. Much to the surprise of both of those gentlemen, they saw the news of this on the morning news rather than through briefs filed through their office.

The LA County Sheriff’s Union is up in arms over the move to let her out on house arrest as well and confused as to how such an agreement could have been reached without judicial involvement.

District Attorney Delgadillo is "extremely troubled" with the move and is promising to investigate any possible procedural and or criminal violations.

Basically, someone at the criminally corrupt LA County Sheriff’s Dept took a payoff from the Hilton’s and thought they could slip one by the goalie. Not the case. It looks like yet another case that will drag the already soiled name of law enforcement in LA through the mud once it’s all said and done.

Hey at least Paris will have her mom or dad as a cell mate when they are taken down on bribery charges.

UPDATE: register your disgust and demand justice from the LA DA Rocky Delgadillo here: Rocky.Delgadillo@lacity.org

• Update Pt. 3: Paris Hilton See Ya In Jail Sheriff
• Update: Police Confirm Owen Wilson Is An Attempted Suicide
• ‘pulp fiction’ co-writer arrested for manslaughter, DUI
• Paris Hilton Too Crazy To Eat
• Michelle Rodriguez Is Retarded, Now Going To Jail

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"We’re still figuring it all out. We’re all just figuring it out."

Yeah, probably because you are still drunk/high yourself and still don’t know what happened. Sober up and answer the question a little later, babycakes.

Trust me folks. If you’ve spent anytime at all near the Crescent Heights/Sunset intersection at night, you have seen mom and daughter* hopping bars on occasion and neither one looks the least bit sober.

What a wonderful role model to have. I can’t figure out why your daughter is a disaster, Dina. Can you?

cont.

Even though the rehab is an obviously ploy to try to avoid jail time,
it’s pretty clear Lindz needs to spend a week or two in lock up to get
a jolt of reality. Drinking and doing coke then driving and smashing
your car up a curb into a tree and leaving the scene of the accident is
1000% uncool. I doubt any average person would get a walk on it either.
Lindsay shouldn’t be an exception.

*or at least impersonators who look one hell of a lot like them.

• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab? Jail? Let’s Party!
• Message For Dina Lohan….
• Why Is Lindsay Lohan A Train Wreck?
• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Does A Body GOOD
• Lindsay Lohan Taking Rehab Super Serious This Time

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Oh did I mention that Promises is where Britney went to for her rehab. Wow, that took really well too didn’t it.

I’m working on finding where the third rehab facility will be once this one doesn’t take.

Ya, don’t think THIS story the NY Post broke on her HAMMERED 48 hours after smashing her car up in a coked up, drunken stupor had anything to do with it either do you?

• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab? Jail? Let’s Party!
• Lindsay Lohan Taking Rehab Super Serious This Time
• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Has REALLY Good Food
• Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Does A Body GOOD
• Britney Back To Rehab

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It marks another low point in Tennessee after the police reorganized their departments to clean them up. Looks like they are off to a good start. Well…at least they are having more fun when they fuck up now.

On a semi related note, can the news channels stop using "allegedly" videotaped the event now? I mean, I’m no expert, I’ve only had a penis for 30+ years, but it certainly look like Barbie has man wien in her mouth in front of a TN state trooper cop car in the video. Does the fucking guy have to go on camera and state his name and social security number to drop this "allegedly" bullshit?

• State Trooper Gets BJ From Barbie Cummings*, Gets Suspended
• Tennessee Is Full Of Assholes
• Tom Hanks Has Poor Netiquette
• Christian Bale in ‘Terminator?’
• O.J. Simpson Is Possibly A Criminal

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Again, I am shocked there were bullshit bids on a ridiculous item last time. On E-bay? Outrageous.

I will update you on the price if someone decides to drop $5 million on an icon of their lost youth in an effort to thwart the cold advance of the years.

Source

• Playboy Denies Britney Spears
• Paris Hilton; No Inheritance For You!
• Word On The Street: iPhone
• sanjaya curses American Idol?!?! Obviously.
• Fergie Redefines “Whore”

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Information Minister Mustafa Barghouti said the character — a giant
black-and-white rodent with a high-pitched voice — represented a
"mistaken approach" to the Palestinian struggle against Israeli
occupation.

How fucked up does something have to be for Hamas to say it was a mistaken approach? Wow.
I’ll miss you Farfour. I don’t know where I’ll go to hear pre-teens sing songs of killing as many people as possible. Maybe someone will fill that programming void left in my heart by your departure. /sarcasm

• Site Update – nerves still fucked
• Disney World: Palestine
• Hooray! Another Starlet Singer: Hayden Panettiere Edition
• Beckham Family Emergency
• alicia keys: “white people invented gangsta rap to prevent Tupac from becoming president”

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